Reader Question: How many toilets is enough?

A version of a question I'm commonly asked by readers:

Question:
I am planning on having my wedding ceremony and reception in my parent's backyard.  I was wondering if you have any advice on bathrooms.  We are planning on having about 150 guests and my parents only have 1 restroom. Rather than having all the guests go all over the house looking for a bathroom, we were wondering if you had any suggestions or if 1 bathroom would suffice.

My answer:

We had this debate as well. My parent's bathroom is sort of tempermental so we ended up renting a toilet.  It actually wasn't gross at all (it was the rental company's special "wedding toilet") and one was plenty for the 100 guests we had.  I was just at another wedding that had around 120 guests and their 1 toilet was a lot busier than ours seemed, but the line was never too long (maybe 2 people at most). I'd say you could probably get by with one if you trust your plumbing!

Wildflower Weddings

I don't normally pimp particular companies on this blog, but I'm looking into covering my front yard with self-seeding wildflowers and came across American Meadows, a company that sells regional wildflower seed (including organic and native seed mixes).  

On their website they have a whole section dedicated to including wildflowers in your wedding--throwing wildflower seeds instead of bird seed, rice, confetti or giving them as favors.  Wildflowers are really easy to grow, so basically, throwing some seeds on the ground in the fall or spring (prime wedding season) could be enough to grow a meadow of wildflowers.

While I don't really condone wedding-specific marketing and we didn't include throwing things or favors in our wedding, I actually think that in our situation throwing wildflower seeds in my parents orchard could have been really nice and would have been a nice reminder of the wedding orchard for years to come.  

Have any of you used wildflower seeds in your wedding in this way?  

How to let your friends know you are having a quaker ceremony...

Why hello again...

I've sort of been out of the wedding blogging loop for a bit now, but since wedding season is upon us, and I have some things to post from a wedding I attended last weekend, I thought I'd answer a few questions that people have been pestering me about! 

(Just kidding, the pestering is a welcome thing!)

I get a lot of emails asking me how we let our friends & family know our ceremony would be open to (and really depend on) their public comment.  For the most part our guests have internet and were looking at our wedding website for information about our wedding, so the first thing we did was to post this page on our website:

While we are not Quakers, we will be holding our wedding ceremony as an edited version of a Quaker Friends Meeting, or Quaker ceremony. After we say our promises to each other, our guests will have an opportunity to say something nice before we exchange rings. Heartfelt toasts or excerpts from texts are examples of what you might prepare for the ceremony. Messages may be literal or metaphorical, and about anything appropriate to the joy and solemnity of the occasion—love, family, marriage, life, or what you will.

Please keep your message relatively short (no more than a few minutes) so that all those who would like to speak will have a chance to do so without the ceremony going on for hours!

Wikipedia says this about Quaker ceremonies:

Since traditionally Friends have no clergy, there is no one person to “marry” them. Instead they declare themselves married before God and those gathered. Usually, there are no bridesmaids or other special roles in the wedding other than that of bride and groom.

The couple then signs the Quaker wedding certificate which, for the purposes of the meeting, means they are now married. All those present are invited to share messages with the gathered meeting as they feel led (as in any other Meeting for Worship, see main article on the Society of Friends). At the close of worship all those present at the meeting are asked to sign the wedding certificate as witnesses. Often the certificate is hung prominently in the home of the couple as a reminder of the promises they made, and of the people with whom they shared that moment of their lives.

Since some of our guests don't have internet, we also casually spread the word to our friends and family and asked that they pass the message along to other family members and friends.  We didn't really go out of our way to push this, but we knew the word was getting around a bit.  

Finally, at the ceremony we had our officiant/friend say this:

At the beginning of the ceremony, the bride and groom will stand and exchange vows. After this, anyone may stand and speak if so moved. While messages are welcome, periods of silence are expected and are a time for reflection.

If you would like to speak, please stand as the last person finishes. Messages may be literal or metaphorical, and about anything appropriate to the joy and solemnity of the occasion—love, family, marriage, life, or what you will.

A few people who hadn't prepared anything did stand at this time to say something quick.  Some of these spontaneous speeches were some of the best, so I'm happy to report that even if people don't get the message to speak, they might do so anyway!  I think a key part of this working was mentioning that periods of silence are part of the process.  There weren't any super long pauses, but it allowed for pause without that signaling the end of the ceremony, giving people a bit of time to reflect and build up the courage to talk.  

I went to a wedding over the weekend that had an open component to the ceremony and while it was lovely, it didn't work quite as well as it did at P and my wedding.  I have a few thoughts on why that might be that I thought I'd share for the sake of future quaker weddings:

First, they had a very substantial ceremony surrounding the open part that was powerful all on it's own.  Our ceremony really was the quaker component, so people hadn't been sitting for more than a few minutes before we opened it up.  So if you want to make your wedding open, either keep the rest of the ceremony relatively short or do the open part in the beginning.  

Their wedding day was also blazing hot so I think people were uncomfortable sitting in the sun.  They couldn't have done much about that, but a shady, or otherwise comfortable area for the ceremony (if it's outdoors) probably would be best for this type of ceremony.

Finally, I don't know that people were prepared for the pauses that happen in a quaker ceremony.  People seemed uncomfortable when nobody was talking, so that may have led to a premature end to the open speaking.  

Despite all that, people did speak at their wedding and said some amazing things.  I just know there were people in attendance who might have said something more if they'd been more comfortable.  

Hope that helps and feel free to keep the questions coming!

Honeymoon Recap: Tigre

While Tigre isn't really in Buenos Aires city, it's in the BA province and you'll most likely go as a day trip. It wasn't actually on the top of our list of places to visit, but after all the stress of the first few days of our honeymoon we needed something relaxing, where I wasn't looking over my shoulder every five seconds. So we decided that a day trip to Tigre would fit the bill, and it ended up being one of our favorite days in Argentina.

To get there, I recommend taking the subway to the Retiro station. When you get to Retiro follow the signs from the subway station to the train station and buy a train ticket to Tigre. The train ride takes around a half hour and is very interesting if you like seeing how people live in the suburbs. It's actually a fascinating mix of shacks, old mansions, and regular people houses. You'll get to see lots of graffiti art as well, if you're into that sort of thing (which we are).

When you arrive at the Tigre station (the last stop on the line), if you walk straight out of the station and down the street you will see the boat docks on your left. There are many boat options in Tigre including catamaran eco-tours, not so eco-tours, kayak rentals, and the water taxi. If you go into the tourist center they will help you pick a tour and figure out when they run. The problem with the tours (for us) is that while they may go further into the delta they don't actually stop at any of the islands. So for something like 50cents each we decided to just hop on one of the water taxis.
I actually assumed that the really amazing old wood boats must be tour boats, and that the water taxis would be something ugly, but the wood ones are the taxis. That made me really really happy. Because the taxis are mainly stopping at private islands, you want to make sure and get on one that will take you to a place you can get off. We decided on Tres Bocas, because it seemed the easiest. But that taxi wasn't leaving for an hour so we walked around Tigre a bit.

The actual town of Tigre didn't really excite me. It seemed to be mostly tourist shops and then the amusement park and casino. The Tigre Market is similarly packed with shops selling nicknack's and not a whole lot of food or other things you might want at a market if you actually lived there.

When we got back to the dock it was really hard to tell exactly what boat we were getting on. I recommend annoying the hell out of the man who works on the dock by asking him every time a boat pull up if it's yours. Unless you are smarter than us and can figure out a way to tell what boat is going where.

The views from the taxi were amazing. There are stunningly beautiful old rowing clubs lining the river, funny campgrounds that we promised we'd spend a night at if we ever go back to Argentina, and lots of funky old river houses. The taxi stops frequently, but you'll know when you get to Tres Bocas (it's where the other tourists get off). Once you are there, you can eat at one of the few places to grab a bite. We went to the place right off the boat, because we wanted to eat on the water. While the food wasn't amazing, it was nice to be able to hang out and watch people on the river. Plus there were cute puppies running around that took a liking to me.

I may or may not have lured them all under my table with french fries. Paul was pretty sure I got diseases from them, but I seem to be doing okay.

After we ate we walked around the island. Which is basically all there is to do here. No shopping, no museums, just walking.
It's pretty swampy in the delta, so wear shoes you don't mind getting muddy.

I loved all the houses. Each one was totally different in its own funky way. And there were flowers everywhere. I kind of went insane sniffing them all.

Those red roses were my favorite. I'm not normally a rose person, but those are the best smelling roses I've ever laid my nose on. Mmmm. I spent a good long time trying to figure out if I could propagate a clipping while traveling through Argentina. The answer to that is no--so now I have a lovely dried clipping of the rose.

When you are ready to leave the island head back to the dock. They will give you a schedule of when the taxis back to Tigre happen, but it didn't seem to us that they were actually on time. You might have to wait a bit at the dock, but again, it's pretty so it doesn't seem like such a hardship.
When you get back to Tigre, just head back to the station and do the reverse of how you got there. Again, Retrio is the end of the line on the way back, so if you fall asleep, they'll likely kick you off when you get there. Then again, if you fall asleep you may not have your bag anymore, so I'd force yourself to stay awake, though it can be difficult after a day on the river.

Honeymoon Recap: San Telmo, BA

I'm not really sure what the best way to go about explaining our honeymoon is. We were gone for three weeks, so a lot happened and my memory of the trip is sort of blurry (due to the traumatic events that started it off and my subsequent fear of taking pictures in public).

So...I think I'll just pick places we went and do a quick write-up of each area.

First off--San Telmo. The loft we stayed in (the one I gushed about in my previous post) was located in San Telmo. We stayed there a week, so we spent a lot of time walking around the neighborhood.

San Telmo is one of the older neighborhoods in Buenos Aires. It's supposedly the home of tango, but there is a lot more going on there than just dancing. In fact, one of the things that we didn't due in Argentina was go tango dancing.

Have I mentioned that I was sort of paranoid about going out at night after being robbed our first night? I should point out that while San Telmo sort of gets a bad rap in terms of pickpocketing and other crime, I did not get robbed in San Telmo. I was robbed in Palermo SoHo--the fancy schmancy neighborhood! But walking around San Telmo at night actually felt relatively safe--on par with walking around San Francisco at night.

Our Picks in San Telmo

Food

Cafe San Juan- Cafe San Juan is a family-run, family-friendly restaurant that serves very high-quality food in a relaxed atmosphere. The restaurant is open to the kitchen so you can see the skate bumper stickers all over the fridge and the cooks wearing backwards baseball caps while they cook your amazingly delicious rabbit (or whatever you decide to order). They are cash only, which we didn't realize until we arrived, and since there isn't an ATM nearby we didn't go all out here and ended up sharing an entree to make sure we had enough money to pay for our meal. We had a momentary panic when our shared entree came out with two full portions of the rabbit (we spent a good five minutes freaking out, trying to decide whether something we said in our broken Spanish could have been interpreted as us both ordering the same thing). Turns out they just split their portions very, very generously!
Highly recommend!

Don Ernesto-A casual, but super high-energy, parrilla that seems to cater to both locals and tourists. For the quality of the food, the prices here are amazing. The steak, sausage, salad, and potatoes we ordered here totaled around $30 US, with wine. It's nothing fancy, but it's a steak house, so that's kind of refreshing.

The best $5 Steak I've ever had.

Los Loros-We had our first meal in Argentina at Los Loros--pre-robbery--so I had a wonderful time here. It's a nicer restaurant with prices that match (but will still seem insanely reasonable compared to US prices). The food is elegant and fresh. I'd imagine that if this were in the US they'd be selling it as a seasonal food sort of place. It's got a nice bistro feel and the atmosphere is upscale without seeming at all stuffy. You could show up in jeans and a tee-shirt and nobody would bat an eye.

Outside Origen on a beautiful night

Origen-This is my favorite lunch and light meal stop in San Telmo. The pizzas and salads are highly recommended. And the food is organic. Very casual with outdoor seating that's kind of wonderful on a spring night.

Pride Cafe-We ate breakfast at Pride Cafe several times while in San Telmo. People in Argentina don't seem to eat breakfast. And they don't take their coffee to go. So knowing about tiny little Pride Cafe was essential to us not having to cook or eat medialunas for breakfast every morning. The food is good, the coffee is excellent, and the staff is really nice. Also, if it's not obvious, they are a GLBT shop so if you are looking for local info on that scene, this is a great resource.

Drink

El Federal-This seems to be the go-to place for a beer and a snack in San Telmo. Every guidebook talks about it and it always seemed busy. While I liked the look of the place--it's old and funky--the food was boring and the service was terrible. People all around us were having trouble getting the waiter's attention after sitting for very very long periods of time. And while I don't assume that every waiter in Argentina should know English, this place caters to tourists and this guy seemed annoyed as get-out that we were struggling with the menu. I'd go with a group for a beer or something.

This is why people love El Federal.

Gibraltar-I love this place. Yes, after getting robbed I was seeking out people I could talk to--and loads of people here speak English (including the Englishman owner). But it's also just a nice, fun pub. Great selection of beer, fun atmosphere, and great pub food.

Other

Mercado De San Telmo-While the Sunday market is a big to-do, the permanent market in the center of San Telmo is also worth visiting. There are several antique stands up daily, lots of food stalls, and other odds & ends. I bought antique buttons here. Lots and lots of buttons.

Feria De San Telmo-The Sunday market is like a craft fair, an antique fair, a market, a series of parades and a music festival all combined into one event. It's amazing. Start early, go all day. I didn't want to leave. It seemed like every time we got tired a new drum group went past and lured us in. Or we found another street of stalls and music we hadn't walked down.

I wish I knew how to get the video I took of this guy off my camera and onto my computer (it's still on there). His marionette show was fabulous and hilarious.

Plaza Dorrego-If you want to see Tango just hang out near the Plaza Dorrego in San Telmo. People perform almost all day long and offer lessons. The woman we rented the apartment from also recommended Torquato Tasso for Tango in San Telmo.

The street art in San Telmo is amazing. One of our favorite things to do was to just walk around looking at it. Though I was mostly afraid to take pictures, as taking a picture of street art is how I got us robbed at gunpoint (did I mention that we were robbed?).

So that's about that. There is a ton of shopping to be done in San Telmo (both at the markets and in shops), but I imagine that you know your own style better than me, so I'm not going to name names. Lots of antique shops, artsy housewares type places, and all sorts of clothing stores. Oh, and stores that sell baby deer chairs.

I kind of love them because I'm a bad, bad person.