Thursday, August 28, 2008

amature floral design

I posted a few months ago about our decision to forgo the florist and do our flowers ourselves--organic and local. Now that its down to crunch time I actually need to place my order from the flower farm. I'm having a horrible time making a decision about what to actually order, and my selection is somewhat limited due to ordering from one smallish farm.

Here is where this post turns into a dumping ground for my floral inspiration collection.

It seems to me that the flowers I've liked, that might possible work, are still pretty diverse. I like the wildflower, carefree look. But I also like a more polished bouquet. Too many decisions to make! If only there was an organic, local peony and sweetpea farm, growing those springtime flowers in late summer in my area, the decision would be easy. But you work with what you've got!

Here's what my flower farm should have in late September:

Overwhelming. We don't really have wedding colors, though stuff has generally been in the yellow, cream, dark red, olive green range. Which doesn't really limit our choice here tremendously.

I'm thinking about doing a combination of these. With the statice in just the yellow, not purple. And the dahlias in the pink-yellow and dark red color. Not sure on that.

Table flowers are going to be in a combination of thrifted vases, mason jars, and glass milk jars. Too country? Just enough?

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

the dresses are multiplying

I'm a three dress bride. This buying dresses thing is a bad habit, and I'm aware of that. Good thing it's only three weeks until the wedding :)

I'm set for my actual wedding dress, but seeing how it's long, hot, and our wedding day seems like it's going to be in the 80s+, I wanted something shorter and cooler for dancing.

Excuse the mess..we just moved in and this is my wedding dumping ground. Also ignore my weird faces. And the multiple shoe and hat changes, unless you'd also like to comment on those!

Option 1 is a short j.crew dress I found at a thrift store. It isn't exactly the right size (it's a 4, I'm a 2p in their sizes), but it was cheap (really cheap) and I could hem up the shoulders a tiny bit to make it work. I bought it to wear to an event that required white attire, but didn't end up wearing it. It's kind of boring, but also fairly flattering (i think).

Option 2 is a Katie Jean dress I had custom made on etsy with the idea that I could wear it both at the reception and then take it with me on my honeymoon and that kind of thing. In theory I love the ruffles. I love that it's fun. The thing is that it feels too big on me and I have no idea how I'd take it in myself. I feel like the ruffles make me look very..round? More pictures of this one because i feel like the different angles make a difference in how much i like it...


PS-I would like to add that my dress total still falls under the $600 range for all three dresses combined.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

to-do and done

I'm a big fan of lists (not thekn*t evil ones, but ones of my own creation). They are rarely complete and in the case of the wedding often embellished or stretched to make me feel better about myself, but nevertheless they seem useful.

Here is my most recent, vastly incomplete, list of things done and to-do for the wedding:

-Figure out my pie/cake situation (and oh lord are they going to be good--I have an ex-Chez Panisse pastry chef making me seasonal, local pie).
-Get sexy shoes and a variety of wedding dresses
-Made a birdcage veil and facinator*. Also realized that old bright red hat I have matches new bright red shoes and should be worn for reception with newly acquired bright red lipstick.
-Groom finally bought a suit. And bought pants and suspenders for his groomsmen.
-Made table runners. Thrifted enough vases to have flowers at like three weddings
simultaneously. Got other people collecting acorns to put on the tables and my sisters making super cute felted acorns.
-Finally have enough thrifted dishes so that everyone can eat.
-Did the do-it-yourself makeup thing at Sephora. Realized I hate smoky eyes on me and that my right eyelid is saggy. But also feel more confident that I can d
o my own makeup and not look whorish or frumpy.
-Conned a bridesmaid into facilitating our ceremony.
-Put my parents on a schedule for cleaning up their yard before the wedding (which is in their yard).
-Reserved toilets, tables, and all the essential things.
-Bought my custom wedding band from Green Lake Jewelers. Am slightly nervous that i waited too long and it may not be here before the wedding.
-Made mustaches.

To Do
-Help bridesmaid write ceremony
-Finish making decor (things that hang from trees)
-Reserve kegs
-Reserve flowers to be picked up from farm.
-Harass our lazy guests to be into actually rsvping.
-Create must-take photo list
-Make programs that explain quaker ceremony and direction cards for hotel room.
-Hair trial (scheduled for first week of Sept)
-Finish must-play song list.
-Create seating chart.Make place cards and table numbers.
-Buy fun photo booth props.
-Reserve cakes.
-Do all the last minute stuff like set up the yard, etc.

*My spell check would really like me to change
facinator to hallucinatory.
**This list was lifted on an IndieBride post because I'm lazy.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

the naming of things

When I was growing up, my parents had different last names (Big deal, right. Everyone has different names these days). My sisters and I took our dad's name while our mom kept with her maiden name for years. I actually don't know why she didn't change it--I suspect it wasn't political as she did do so after about 20 years of marriage. Regardless, and as silly as it sounds, I always hated that my mom and I had different last names. I secretly planned on changing my last name to hers (that is until she changed it) and then secretly hoped that when I got married some day that my future husband and I would take her last name. I am a tried and true mama's girl.

So now I'm getting married. And the guy and I would really like the same last name. We'd like it for us, and we'd like it for our future kids. We know it doesn't really matter. There were three last names in his house growing up and he didn't implode or anything. But it's what we want.

And thus begins the trouble. How on earth do you decide what name to take?

Being very PC, neither of us wants the other to have to take their name. It seems too one-sided. Plus, his last name, quite frankly, makes me shudder every time I have to say it. My mouth does not easily make those sounds. And my last name is boring. Not common or anything, just boring. Although him saying that he felt uncomfortable taking my name because, very unfortunately, politicians he works with would consider him "whipped" made me immediately decide that we NEED to take my name. I can be a little reactionary. And isn't that messed up? But probably, unfortunately, true.

We've considered other family names, but that too feels like picking sides. We've considered combinations of our names, but it seems like Irish and Polish last names don't play nice together. We've considered coming up with a new name entirely, but can't find anything that seems meaningful enough to have it stick.

I can see why people have developed systems for things like this (patronymic, matonymic, family name, etc). Picking a name is a loaded task, and one that doesn't lend itself to settling or easy compromise.

(Tree via

Friday, August 8, 2008

Legal marriage vs community marriage

I may be outing myself to some friends & family lurkers, but P and I: already married. Earlier this year we made the decision that I would go back to school to pursue midwifery. Being on call all the time, I couldn't really work and P's insurance wouldn't cover us as domestic partners in California, since our state doesn't recognize opposite-sex domestic partners. So, we decided that it wasn't worth the worry of me not having any health insurance, knowing we were going to get married anyway, and got hitched at city hall. My parents and sister were there as witnesses. And since we've told a few other people. But this whole time we've been planning this other wedding. What we now refer to as the "fake-real" wedding.

And really, while I like the legal benefits that have come from being married (the health insurance and the easily buying a home together) for most purposes we don't feel married. Since the people around us don't know that we are, nobody treats us like we are.

I was browsing through Wedding Bee the other day and came across the Our United State post on the point of marriage. I loved this section:

We need other people to survive. If something happens to one of us, we are not living in a vacuum, a happy unit of two charging against the world. I no longer only have the support of my family, but his family as well, which is, of course, no longer my family and his family but our family. And that support is not really optional. Families, unlike knitting clubs and drinking buddies, have a binding responsibility for one another.

That is how I view marriage. Marriage is responsibility. And not just for us to be responsible for each other but for society to be responsible for us.

...we are getting married because we are asking for you to be responsible for our union. And that's an intuitive thing. If your best friend tells you he's breaking up with his girlfriend, you'd be curious and maybe a little concerned but it's his life and it isn't working out. But if he tells you he's thinking of divorcing his wife? He better have a damn good reason. Emerson is not my boyfriend. And we want you to know that.

Does legal marriage have its perks? Yup. And everyone should be able to benefit from those. But does having a piece of paper from the state make me feel married? Not really. For that, I think I need my community to share in the process and take responsibility for us as a couple.

This is really all a lead in to why on earth we've decided, as non-quaker, non-religious folks, to have a quaker wedding ceremony at our fake-real wedding. But that post will have to wait, as my half-husband and I are off to dinner.