Thursday, September 4, 2008

the crazy inside my head

My big-decision, decision making process goes something like this. Have large, stressful decision to make. Do a ton of internet research and decide on what you want and what is possible. Fixate on the thing that is within reach to avoid feelings of sadness about the thing that is wanted but not possible (due to budget, proximity, etc). Commit to item within reach. Fixate on what was actually wanted and second guess decision to settle.

So you can imagine that my wedding planning process has been a lot of fun for my psyche. The perfect example of this is my wedding dress. It was the first dress I tried on, and I bought it because it came in petite, it was enough like the dress I really wanted that I liked it, and it was really cheap. Practical, yes, in theory. So now I've spent months second guessing, buying other random cheap dresses for the reception to make myself feel better about my original purchase, and secretly lusting over the dress I really want in an ideal world.

I had a dream about the ideal dress last night. Which makes me want to barf a little bit. My dress is perfectly fine. And ideal dress, even used, is several GRAND more. In fact, ideal dress used would cost about a 1/3 of our wedding budget. So there you go.

Our wedding is not about a dress. I love the person I'm marrying, and he will love me back even if I think the dress I'm wearing has flaws. And yet something has been set up where I honestly feel like I will regret not having ideal dress on my wedding day.

I could blab on about my irrationality for days, so instead I'm asking you to tell me that you've also felt something totally irrational in this process.

(image from brides)

9 comments:

Heather from the bar said...

I am completely happy with buying my dress from DB, for a few grand less than my ideal dress, it doesn't bother me. What does bother me, is that I can't afford the photographers I want. And I know I am going to regret settling for someone who just happens to be in my budget. At the end of the day, it isn't the pictures that are important, it is what happened that day... but for some reason I am trying to justify going into debt for a great photographer..... ugh.

mimi said...

you said it sister. decide, doubt, change mind, go with the first decision - seems to be the cycle so far. love that dress thanks for pointing it out. now i can reexamine choices i thought i had made.

Sarah said...

Oh my goodness, you spoke my thoughts! I bought a great dress 8 months ago from a sample sale that was practical and wonderful and I really like it. I didn't have the corset back like I wanted but it was a STELLAR deal and my practical mind took over. Great dress for $200. Done. Then i started seeing alllll the other dresses and I want to have a DO OVER! I wanna try them all on again and not have to be so practical. lol
In the end I'm bargaining with myself and having a partial corset put in where the upper portion of the zipper is so it's even closer to my dream dress. Now I just need to shut up the little devil voice saying... "but if it had a sweet heart neck line...." AHH!

Jen said...

I cannot tell you how many times I've done this exact thing with my wedding planning. I choose practical semi-loved item, and then my bride-side comes out and I want some crazy thing I thought I'd never cared about in the first place. (i.e. rose petals for an aisle?!?!) I haven't gotten married yet, but I'm hoping the rose petal aisle fiasco (or lack thereof)isn't something I look back in 20 years and secretly wish I'd uninvited people to do. hahaha. Being a bride, I'm pretty sure, makes you incredibly insane. Good luck!

Jen said...

Oh, and PS: I freaking HATE roses. who knows?

lazynybride said...

I bought my dress at a sample sale for a deal, it was the first one I tried on, and honestly, I second guess it only when i look at bridal magazines and any wedding blog featuring a goddess dress. So I avoid doing those things.

Also, I drive myself crazy about silly little details all the time. I spent 3 hours yesterday polling everyone I knew/would listen as to whether I should have a 2pm ceremony vs a 4pm ceremony. Literally, I have 18 opinions on the matter. In the end, the only opinion that really matters is your own.

Sarafina said...

Hey Girl-- I feel it too! Everyone does. I wanted a tea-length 50's style dress....it was $2500!! Long story short...i walked out of the bridal shop with a full length lace number for $500! My logical brain was happy thinking " more dress for a quarter of the price!!Now every time I open a bridal magazine and see a tea length dress...I want to cry!

Here is the thing, though...you are marying the person you love! Nothing else matters. Stop reading wedding magazines and stop scanning dresses online--that definately helped me. They (the WIC) want you to be a 2 dress bride!!You will look lovely on your big day and your dress will be gorgeous!! Now...go cancel your subsription to preowned wedding dresses.com...everything will be ok! LOL!

desert bride said...

um. I won't go on about it here. but yeah. i have about 3 or 4 posts at least- and i wanted to do more- about my dress issues.

ps- my inexpensive first purchase non wedding dress dress was a HUGE hit and am so glad I wore it....

MJ said...

Wow. I thought it was only me. :) Our decision processes are remarkably similar, and I'm fighting with myself about one dress after another on style, money - and I'm running out of time for a lot of it. (wedding in - ack, less than 4 months! kind of a short planning window....) Thanks for sharing the crazy. grin